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Okay, Hear Me Out— Jurassic Park But Every Dinosaur Is Pee-wee Herman



Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park is an absolute masterpiece. It’s arguably one of the greatest films ever made, and, unlike the dinosaurs themselves (RIP), it has stood the test of time. Nearly 30 years later and I still have to prepare myself for the incoming heartache of watching that poor, sick triceratops lie there in pain. Yes, I know it’s not real, no, that hasn’t stopped me from becoming emotionally attached to it.

The groundbreaking film answered a lot of questions, like is playing god and bringing dinosaurs into the modern age for the purpose of a theme park a good idea? (No.) Would people still 100% do it anyway and learn nothing from their fatal mistakes? (Yes.) Is it possible to outfit Jeff Goldblum in too deep a v-neck? (Resounding no.) One question the movie failed to answer, though, that I’m sure we’ve all been wondering, is what if instead of dinosaurs, Jurassic Park was filled with Pee-wee Hermans?

Well, okay. Perhaps that’s a question you haven’t pondered until now. But! Now that it’s been asked, you are pondering it!

The good news is you don’t have to wonder for long because creator and mad scientist Pixel Riot has the answer, and it’s... honestly a little horrifying. I’m not sure what I expected when I imagined what a Pee-wee meets Jurassic Park collab would be like, but it certainly wasn’t this. This absurd (and definitely scientifically sound) mashup is terrifyingly hilarious and hilariously terrifying. It’s enthralling and confusing like an ultra vivid, bizarro dream brought on by eating too much dairy before bed.

In short, it’s fantastic.